You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
