the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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