Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
