Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
