I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
