If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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