please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
