no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
