i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
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Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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