I think im going to throw up on grandma
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
