One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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