So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
