Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
