she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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