4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
