My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
