Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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