Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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