so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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