I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
