Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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