Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
