I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
