that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
