Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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