i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
