I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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