a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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