I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
