yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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