He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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Sorry my hands just texted you
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize