This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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