Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
