in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
