You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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