Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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