So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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