sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
