What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
