I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
