I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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