she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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