I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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