I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
