Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
