Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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