she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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