I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
