We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
