Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
