So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
