who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
