girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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