he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
