walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
