dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
