I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
