the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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