Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
