If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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