i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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