he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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