she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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