cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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