I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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