He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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