i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
two words: eviction party
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
