sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
