i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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