The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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