Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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