"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
