i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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