I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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