Don't make out with my wife yet
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
