He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think people are normalizing furries
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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