I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
