Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
