I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
