I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
